this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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