why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
