1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
