I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
