ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
