So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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