We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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