Buhtt sex?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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