Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
