he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
