so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
