just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
