yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
