My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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