This girl is more easily done than said...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
