OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
