dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize