My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
