is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
