My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
