the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
