We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize