you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
