you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
