I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
