Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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