oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
This baby is an asshole
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
