she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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