Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
