Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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