if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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