I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
