boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
