I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
