if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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