God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
