Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
