So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
