Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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