My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
