woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
