Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
