Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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