1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
And then he peed in my hair
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