The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
