i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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