to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
