i permit you to call me
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
