just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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