I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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