Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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