just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
