No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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