Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
