I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
