I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
