My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
