Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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