i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
