Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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