I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
