dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
