Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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