Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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