plz talk dirty to me
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize